A Love Letter to Obesity

Dear Obesity, 

Four years ago, you and I got close. 

I brought you into my body after decades of searching for comfort, sweetness and pleasure through food. As a little girl, I found comfort in sugar. When a spoonful of mint chip ice cream delighted my lips and tongue, it was seen as “a treat”. My family and I were not aware of how highly addictive and toxic it is for the human body. 

Through high school and college, into my 20s and 30s, I tried to stop overeating and to commit to regular exercise. When I saw people who were intimate with you, I thought I'd never go there. Not me, I thought, I’ll never let my body get that weighed down. 

But after post-labor trauma followed by postpartum depression, years of flatness in my marriage along with five years of monthly migraines that each lasted weeks, there was a hole of heartbreak inside of me so deep that I couldn't see a way out. 

That's when you and I got close. It was during the pandemic and I was isolated in a house on a ranch five miles from town. My daughter was five years old and I ate, and ate more, and ate again. 

summer 2020

In the summer of 2020, with my 5’9” frame, my body weighed 225 pounds. I only wore stretchy clothes because that's all that felt tolerable. It was a very heavy time. My life force was weaker than it's ever been. So one day I sat on my bed corner talking to God and surrendered. 

I don't know how to be my body's best friend, I told the divine light inside my heart. 

From there, the painful adventure picked up speed. I learned I had a massive brain tumor and went in for surgery two weeks later. 

Then in a near death experience while anesthetized for nine hours, I was greeted by the playfulness of divine light in my womb. Heavy as my body still was, golden stars swirled in my belly, carrying a very important message— 

Reveling in the gift of being in a body is one of the greatest ways we can choose to live in this one precious life. 

That was 3 1/2 years ago. Since then, I've been distancing myself from you. We are no longer intimate. Almost every day, I move my body with joy, hiking up trails, doing yoga and Pilates and dancing with free spirited full permission that sometimes embarrasses my 11-year-old daughter. My body feels lighter than ever and I'm consistently amused by the fact that I feel 10 times better at 49 years old than I did at 19, 29, or 39. 

Let's tell that story on ‘the news’! I can hear it now: 

San Francisco hosts landmark gathering of radically radiant 50-year-old women. Come join the celebration in March 2025 on International Women’s Day!

My body held the heavy weight of my emotional wounds for many years, and even though it felt awful being so weighed down by you, it gave me deepened empathy for the multitudes who suffer as I did. 

When I see you weighing people down as they try to climb stairs or fit into concert or plane seats, my heart extends a quiet invitation to them— 

If you only knew how good it feels to let all that weight go. If you only knew how blissful it feels to do cartwheels, roll over in the middle of the night with your abdomen free of bloating, if you only knew how much more available you will be to others when you choose to heal your wounds. 

Obesity, you are an invitation for humanity to experience the heaviness of self loathing, since we often need pain to wake up. 

(Ouch.)

When we listen to our bodies carrying the enormous stress of your excess, we just might feel a call to the freedom of play and lightness. Some of us will turn away from you, forgive ourselves for all the suffering we chose, and embrace more vital life force than we ever imagined possible, once we let you go. 

Thank you obesity, for being a gift in disguise. 

Thank you for visiting America as we once again stand on the far end of the spectrum in the human dance of polarity between love and fear. 

Today, more than 70% of Americans are overweight, including obese. 

May humanity hear the melancholy song of your heaviness enough to feel tickled toward the delightful elation of feeling well. 

May the light at the end of the tunnel within each human soul be a bright invitation for us to choose freedom. 

hiking & singing bliss, last week

Although some days, I wish I could erase the scars you’ve left on my own body — the cellulite I still haven't myofascially released on my thighs and the flab on my arms that more push-ups can heal — mostly I let these scars motivate me to simply do my best, making choices one day at a time that lead to greater wellness. 

Does flab or cellulite make people less lovable? No.

But it doesn't feel good to hear our body expressing a call for love and to ignore it or pretend it isn't there. 

Obesity, I am grateful to have met you yet I am so, so glad I let you go. I am floored with thanks that my body carried extra weight for me for many years, processing the stress I put on her organs, limbs and joints and letting me skip, leap and lunge healthfully on the other side. These human bodies are far more intelligent than we are collectively yet willing to see. 

One day at a time, we are all simply doing our best to heed the call of the lightness within.

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Eager to support your child’s healthy relationship with food? Here’s a terrific course called Cooking in Coherence from my friends at Coherence Education.

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If you’re looking for support with being your own body’s best friend, you might check out The Journey of Intrinsic Health. Its founder Zach Bush, MD is a physician specializing in internal medicine, endocrinology and hospice care. He is an internationally recognized educator and thought leader on the microbiome as it relates to health, disease, and food systems.

Zach says —

“If you’ve ever sat across from a doctor and been told that something is wrong with you—that you need to be fixed—know that you’re not alone. It’s a message many of us have heard, and it can leave a lasting imprint on how we see ourselves and our health. 

But what if that belief isn’t serving you? What if, instead of being something that needs fixing, you are a dynamic, resilient being, capable of profound healing and transformation?  
 
The truth is, you are not broken. There is nothing inherently wrong with you. You are whole, and the journey ahead is about rediscovering that wholeness.” 

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Regardless of the ways you choose to cope with the extraordinary challenges that are part of being human, you are still infinitely loved. In every moment. With every choice. You always will be.

To freedom~
Jess

Jessica Rios
Writer + Love Coach
Founder, Making Love to Fear