Feeling it All as One
Feeling it All as One
conjoined gems from Life, death, Vince Gill and Lauryn Hill
You know those moments when the biggies land? When suddenly you feel yourself being greeted by a massive gem of thought?
Hellllooooooo, Gem. Lovely to feel you.
This morning I woke at 4AM and it already felt like the best day of my Life. After drinking a mug of Earl Grey with raw honey and oat milk, journaling about the big work I'm up to these days as a soul, by 5AM once again it felt like an even better best day of my Life.
Repeat, 6AM. At that point I was preparing for a job interview, feeling like there was no way I could be any more well prepared — not overworking and overprepared, coming from a place of fear — but preparing in joy, trusting, knowing that if I get this job I will be elated and if I do not, it is not meant for me and something better is.
7AM, my daughter woke from her rest and I leapt up to her loft bed and we snuggled as I showered her with Mama Love, telling her how grateful I am to be her mama and testing her competency — upon her request — with Swedish vocabulary.
At 8AM, we were out the door on time (!) to get her to school, after she had a piece of mango and chile infused dark chocolate along with her cinnamon raisin bagel and blueberries for breakfast, a little breakfast dessert to begin celebrating her upcoming 11th birthday.
It was only 8AM and I noticed what could be considered excessive sweetness, already streaming through the day. It brought to mind one of my dearest humans, Lizzy Russinko, who is the founder of Unscripted and an embodiment of gorgeous, bountiful human optimism. She and I ‘twin’ in the realm of refusing to let fear grip our path.
At 8:30, I was driving to the trailhead where I hike most days. It's a 5-minute drive from home, and every second in those five minutes, I feel infused with radical gratitude to live so close to a beautiful trail where I can bask in the silent symphony of nature and exercise my Goldendoodle boy, Jerry. This morning as I was driving, I thought of my new beau, whose 45-year-old niece took her own Life last week. And I thought of his son, who will turn 10 soon, the day after I turn 49.
As usual, on the short drive I was listening to music — it uplifts me with serenity and bliss — it is my way of prayer.
The alluring voice of Vince Gill, my country king, streamed from the speakers as he sang one of my favorite songs, Go Rest High on that Mountain. His words pulled the tears from my heart as I empathized with the pain inside this woman who jumped from a 5th floor building in Lourdes, France, to end her Life. The human condition is agonizingly rigorous. To live well is to be a fierce warrior for all things beautiful — kindness, patience, surrender, forgiveness, courage, an open mind — it is far from easy. My heart holds seas of empathy for those who choose to take their own Life.
As Vince Gill’s voice swooned from the speaker and I sang with him, I saw an energetic blur in my mind’s eye that exhibited something words will never capture, and… I trust that beneath these words you will feel what I'm saying. It is the feeling beneath the words that my heart intends to share with you.
Everything is everything.
As sung by hip-hop artist Lauryn Hill, that captures it as well. Suddenly, as I continued driving to the trailhead, feeling this swirl of human tenderness — everything is everything — I felt it all, The All, as One.
My daughter, our dog, my new man, his son, his niece, me, human pain, the ending of Life, the beginning of Life, the choice to live, the choice to die. The heavenly enticement of music pooled it all inside of me as I emotively erupted into a moment of golden-starred clarity.
What do I make of this? What do you make of this?
Whatever meaning we give it, it has for us. For me, I simply feel this moment widening the wings of my heart, across my shoulder blades and through my fingertips, to receive the Light of God, the Light of Love, to enable me so that I can further express this Light while I’m in the world.
I was born and I will die una cascada, a waterfall — a vivid expression of Life’s effusive, aquatic radiance — and as I ‘make waves’ giving myself permission to express this bigness, I accept that…
Big ships make big waves.
Big storms make big waves.
In a world rooted in fear, Love makes big waves.
Love is who you are. Thank you for joining me in remembering this.
All that is required for us to live more of our lives in a state of Love, is remember that Love is who we are. Essentially, this involves peeling away the layers of fear that coat our consciousness, so that the cloak we ‘wear’ streams with more Light, choice by choice.
Dr. Gabor Maté is a wizard of clarity when it comes to healing our inner wounds. To me his is a soul brother, a soul ally, someone whose work is helping to create a world based more in Love than fear. Here’s a free class from him that might serve your remembering: A Return to Wholeness with Dr. Gabor Maté, presented by Commune, the preeminent masterclass platform for wellbeing.
On the drive, on the trail, way past when your body dies—
You are treasured.
in Love,
Jessica Rios, Founder, Leaning into Light
