Three years ago, I became consciously compassionate for the first time around people who commit suicide. I had been in a lot of pain for months and for the first time in my life, I finally understood why people choose to end their own life, to stop living in the pain of the human experience. Talking with my coach about this, he said something I’ll never forget.
Suicide is simply the desire to kill something off – something within ourself that is no longer useful.
Wait… what?, I thought. It doesn’t refer exclusively to someone ending their own life?
As had happened many times before when I’d heard something strikingly wise, I wondered, Why isn't that popular knowledge? Why isn't that told on “the news?” I sighed, accepting that this perspective on suicide is simply one sliver of truth among many which does not support oppression. And oppression is what most “news” is created to feed. Propaganda and truth don’t bed well together.
Suppression of truth causes pain. Truth can’t be killed. When we lie to ourselves, withholding the truth, it will keep pressing up against us from the inside. On an energetic level, this is dis-ease. It begins as an intangible imbalance. Eventually, when we suppress truth long enough, we create physical disease. Our species is seeping in it now.
Let’s stop needing so much pain to open our eyes. The more truth we tell, the more free we feel.
Today I ask —
What, in your life, are you done with?
A struggle, a cycle you’re repeating that you wish would come to an end? A relationship you keep leaning into, yet the other person is not? An unhelpful old story or self-limiting belief that wants to be replaced with a new one that enlivens your existence?
With each moment you are alive, you have been deciding: Honor truth or suppress it.
You're either deciding for darkness or Light. Your shadow or your illuminated self. Your pain story or your love story. You are deciding between fear and its polar opposite – Love – in every sliver of every millisecond of your life.
Most people choose fear most of the time. Thus, the state of the world today. Yet it’s usually chosen unconsciously — so let’s make it conscious. Let’s bring it up from the depths of the deep blue inside-of-us seas.
Choosing fear looks like...
Coping with distractions like drugs, screen time or hyper-busyness
Lying to yourself by pretending your pain or struggle doesn't exist
Demonizing it as if it's a problem, not an invitation
When you’re ready to turn to the light, the Source, which is within yourself, you can...
Accept your pain as a gift that came to visit for a while
Befriend it, get acquainted, feel its presence, welcome its messages
Embrace it with your curiosity, open mind and humble heart
And eventually, watch it dissipate because you’ve given it the only thing that can actually, fully, transmute its form
There isn't much wiggle room these days between pain and freedom. Time feels sped up, insistent on bringing our pain to the surface. The truth is, you're always free to choose to lean into the Light you are, or keep living in the grip of pain, in fear. Ain't that glorious?!
When you're ready to kill something off inside yourself, only you can stop your own suffering. Letting go isn’t easy, but it’s exceedingly simple – just like all of life’s biggies.
If you don’t feel ready yet, you can move yourself closer —
Close your eyes and say, “I am grateful for the self-worth and courage to let go.”
Write your pain a Love letter to let it know you see it and you’re listening. Let your pen lay down words of gratitude and release, as if you are your own greatest lover and will no longer tolerate stuffing down your own truth.
One day you’ll look back and be so grateful for the pain that helped your eyes open wide to the awe-inspiring
beauty
that
you
are.
For a dose of inspiration, you can watch the film from my recent one-woman-show. It’s a 90-minute dose of theatrical storytelling to invite humanity to open our eyes to the Light inside of us.
Here are some words from audience members who saw the live performance.
This was beautifully expressed. As someone who has survived, I’ve come out the other side with a new understanding—the beauty of overcoming fear by learning to be at peace with who I am. In those darkest moments, it seemed like suicide was the only way out, but in reality, the truth was the way forward
Beautifully crafted writing!!