How does 'Making Love to Fear' work?
prevent regrets in your last breaths
A human life could be seen as a process of dancing between one mountain peak and the next. We face exhilarating and sometimes grueling ascents to reach each peak, followed by gleeful downhill slopes that let us look back and see what we’ve accomplished.
Peak after peak, our human muscles grow. These peaks represent our challenges, pain and fear.
The more gracefully we master the climbs — seeing them as opportunities to evolve ourselves physically, emotionally and spiritually — the more vivaciously alive we feel.
Dancing is a metaphor for reveling in the deep satisfaction we get from greeting our fears and pain, wholeheartedly celebrating and giving thanks, one peak at a time. When we dance with full permission and freedom, we feel really alive.
That aliveness feels so good, it makes life worth living. Part of us wants it all the time, and yet —
We must accept that this isn’t how life works. Fears don’t go away. Once we heal a specific fear, new ones keep surfacing dependent upon each soul’s unhealed fears.
That’s why ‘making Love to fear’ is not a luxury.
It is essential for every human soul. We either choose this way of being now, or we prolong our suffering by letting fear simmer in our hearts and minds, just beneath our skin.
Do you want to die with regrets? Of course you don’t.
Me neither. I want to die laying on my back laughing, with Buddha by my side just like he was during my 2021 near death experience. I want to take my last breaths with Christ’s golden glow in my belly, just like it was then too.
No regrets. I will die reveling in the majestic beauty that was my life. Will you?
Usually, when people die with regrets, they do it unconsciously. It’s not like they consciously say, Yeah, I wanna go to my death bed with regrets. I want my final inhales and exhales to be full of pain and fear I haven’t healed.
Yet sadly, most people die with unhealed pain they clearly knew about.
Livers toxified by excessive consumption of poison, ingested to cope with life’s difficulties.
Hearts wounded with sorrow from scarred relationships where they chose not to forgive. (Since 1950, heart/cardiac disease has been the cause of 29% of all deaths in the USA.)
Breasts filled with cancer that was trying to tell them to put themselves first more often, rather than always taking care of everyone else — their kids, their houses, their husbands.
Souls soaked in sadness since they never fully listened to what made them feel fully alive, lived their truth, following their passion.
People who choose death by suicide because there seemed to be no other way to find freedom from their pain.
I get it. I’ve lived through multiple forms of severe chronic pain. It is really, really hard to be with. This photo was taken four months after brain surgery, when I was keeled over on the corner of my bed due to the pain of a 92-day experience with severe sciatica. All I could do was breathe.
If you’re reading this now it’s because part of you is conscious that —
there is another way
there is a power within you that can heal disease — pain and fear
you are more powerful than that, and
you have a choice.
Enter, ‘making Love to fear’. But how does it work?
Making Love to Fear is a process for those who are ready to move from pain and fear into the aliveness and freedom that only Love offers.
It is a process of becoming so skilled at surrendering to our fears that it feels like ‘making Love’ to them through an everpresent dance of passion-tipped peaks.
Where we no longer act like victims, complaining about our fear and pain.
We actually become lovers of our pain and fear, seeing them as enticing visitors with invitations to support our evolution — fully feeling their presence and embracing them with our all.
Sounds fantastically delicious, right?
Yes, and it is. But it’s far from easy. Most people are not ready for it. Fear can be scary.
Yet having faced and healed extraordinary pain and fear in my own life, I will say without hesitation that when my body dies, it will be the thing I am proudest to look back on. That’s why I created the Making Love to Fear process — because it has worked wonders for me, and now I can share it with you.
Making Love to Fear is a brave and beautiful journey.
It starts with a shift in perception that leads us to surrender our resistance, so our pain and fear become entry points to healing. In the process, we free ourselves from cycles of suffering, one peak after the next. We don’t postpone our sense of freedom by avoiding the peaks, going to war with them, or pretending they don’t exist.
Are you performing, or are you living the life that you were meant to live, and that only you can live?
When you die, you will want to look back and say that you fully lived while you were alive. You can prevent regrets now, so you don’t end up saying what most people said in the last 3-12 weeks of their lives—
“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” (from The Top Five Regrets of the Dying)
Aliveness comes from choosing Love over fear, and then greeting each fear that presents itself as a blessing in disguise.
Making Love to Fear is a fundamental shift in how we choose to see the challenges we face.
We can choose to see pain and fear as enemies, taking a fight-or-flight posture of avoiding or ignoring them, or demonizing them through a warlike and divisive posture of fear (“fuck cancer”). War comes from fear. It is a posture of powerlessness and victimhood that keeps us in a cycle of imprisonment due to our own self-limiting beliefs.
“What you resist, persists.” Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung
Or when we are ready, we can see pain and fear as Love sees them — as gifts in disguise — and move through them with Love, the most powerful medicine on Earth for every disease — owning our power as creators, to feel totally alive. This is a posture of seeing our pain as a friend, a messenger presenting us with a huge opportunity. It’s like martial arts — letting the pain and fear move through us, so it can be not only released, but transmuted.
Making Love to Fear is a choice that guides us here.
With great Love,
Jessica Rios
Writer + Love Coach
Founder, Leaning into Light
Creator, Making Love to Fear
P.S. Let’s be clear. Actively engaging in making Love to fear is the “Big Work” for human beings. It is the most significant, courageous work our souls can do. Remember to take time to be silly and carefree along the way.