Ready for a fun check-in on your evolutionary journey?
Let’s start with one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard before I continue writing: Washing of the Water by Peter Gabriel. Here it is on Spotify and YouTube.
Living river, carry me on
River, river, carry me on
To the place where I come from
So deep, so wide
Will you take me on your back for a ride?
Turn up the volume, soak it into your soul’s pores and come back to finish reading.
Do you ever notice how some people, when they experience something upsetting, can take hours or days to recover?
They carry their upset like it’s a backpack, and it weighs them down as they scramble through their days, blaming others for their feelings. It seems they would rather stay in a lower vibrational state, than do the inner work required to heal and move on.
How about those people who can experience something disturbing and respond in a much less defensive way, recovering to a state of grace with swiftness and poise?
They might have an immediate reaction of upset, but it quickly dissipates as they exhibit a level of emotional and spiritual maturity that won’t let them stay down for long.
They don’t give away their power by blaming others; they own their power by taking responsibility for the experience they are creating.
They assign responsibility for the words and actions of others, but they maintain the dignity of a soul that is in touch with its essential nature.
Now consider yourself.
Where do you stand in your ability to recover from upset to grace?
How long do you stay in a lower energetic frequency, before you let yourself rise into a more neutral state of mind?
Several months ago, someone was livid and yelling at me, and he threw his cup of coffee at the wall in anger. Somehow my body knew, my soul was aware — this is not about me. This person is extremely triggered for their own reasons, and it is not about me.
I turned the other way and walked home. My upset about the scene was very mild. Mostly I felt compassion in my heart for this person's anger. And how they let it take over.
Frankly, I actually felt grateful and honored to have been present to this degree of anger and violent communication, because in my gut, I sensed that my lack of reaction actually enabled this person to cool off and forgive himself sooner than he would’ve if I reacted in strong defense, blaming him for his aggression.
I'm not here to add pain to pain. Love doesn't do that.
Twenty years ago during my first marriage, when my husband would scornfully yell at me, I yelled back. It was the first time I had argued often in a significant relationship and I was unskillful with conflict. So instead of shrinking in fear and playing small, I invoked my inner big sister and stood up for myself in the best way I knew how.
Yeah… that didn’t work.
But it did give me an in-the-bones taste for how ‘what we resist, persists’ and ‘what we focus on, grows’.
Add upset to upset and you’ve got an overflowing bowl of upset.
As we evolve our own consciousness, which is the main job we're here to do, we notice a shift in our energy field that has us react less. Instead we respond with more mindfulness, perhaps moving our body away from the aggression and accusations, but not absorbing that person's volatility because — it’s theirs, not ours — unless we make it ours.
Close your eyes and imagine the next time you see or hear something very upsetting.
Visualize yourself in that moment, see yourself taking deep breaths to calm down and be mindful with how you respond.
As always with pain or conflict, silver linings abound.
Pain surfaces to help us get clearer on what we want. Our ‘yes’ isn’t clear enough yet, so the pain appears to inspire us to grow more intimate with our truth.
Looking back at the last year of my life, I notice a satisfying upswing in the amount of time it took me to recover to grace from upset.
Not only does this improved recovery rate improve my life as I spend less time inflamed in emotive drama — it also puts little to no fuel in the fire of someone else’s upset, thereby creating a world with more loving kindness in it and less divisive nightmares.
Next time you are in a potentially upsetting experience, see if you can be like water.
Your body is mostly made of it.
Our planet’s body is mostly made of it.
It doesn’t have to be a big stretch. Let the upsetting words or actions roll over your shoulders like waves at the beach.
There went the waves, rolling onto the shore, and you are still standing, breathing, like water. Like your own unique and beautiful version of water.
Stay tuned! Presale tickets coming soon for my one-woman-show, Making Love to Fear, on International Women’s Day, March 8th 2025.
It’s also my 50th birthday on that day. Couldn’t think of a wilder way to celebrate being alive for half a century! Be sure to subscribe to this newsletter if you wanna get a ticket — this show will sell out.
Big Love, you are~
Jessica
Jessica Rios
Writer + Performer + Love Coach
Leaning into Light
WOW! So powerful and so true. I wish only that those who really NEED to know this information could read it and see it in themselves. I dont think that happens too often, they have to be ready. But, your response and others who can act like water, hold the space for others while we wait for them to be ready. Beautiful words, as always.