I’m Sorry, Children
a mother’s apology to this generation
To the children of this generation,
From the bottom of my mama heart, I am sorry.
As a human collective responsible for taking care of you, we have failed you.
You see us walking around with our little computers glued to our hands. We call them phones; they are computers that can make phone calls. You see us sitting at our desks on the screen working for hours. You see us tending instantly to their beeps and buzzes as if they are extremely important members of our family.
Yet we tell you there are strict limits for your screen time, and then use screens as babysitters, unwilling to admit that through them, we are causing you extraordinary harm.
Especially our daughters, who are now catastrophically impacted by social media, we have failed you.
Even when we try to be responsible parents, showing you healthy role models engaged in mindful screen use, it is not easy. Computers are central in our lives these days. We need them to schedule our days, make money, coordinate your playdates and buy tickets to take you to the theater.
Yet you cannot understand this complicated adult landscape. You aren't supposed to. You are children. Precious children.
You see us interacting with our phones all day, prioritizing our relationships with our phones, saying “Yes” — and minutes later, saying “No” when you ask for time on Instagram. It’s incongruent. It’s hypocritical. It isn’t fair.
Sigh…
Relationship is the core of life and communication is the hardest part. I’m sorry that as grown-ups, we are collectively so unskillful here.
You are not a stuffed animal to be stuck on a sofa behind a screen.
You are meant for trampolines, laughter, eye contact and creekside picnics. You are meant to splash in puddles and feel real sunlight and rain kissing your bountifully lovable cheeks.
Whether you are 16 years old, or 11 like my daughter, or a baby just entering this outer world from your mother’s womb —
I am apologizing because it helps me take responsibility. I am apologizing because it helps me feel committed in my quest for you to be respected instead of being readily dished-up deteriorated life-by-screen. Everywhere. You. Turn. At home, in stores, on airplanes, at the dentist, in the car.
We cannot fix this problem overnight. Huge system change requires a lot of people speaking up and standing for what’s right, over time.
What I can tell you is that you matter more than anything on Earth, and that my mama heart is not pretending you don't.
My mama heart can see that we have failed you. Thank you for hearing my apology.
I promise you, I will do all I can to help your precious life be balanced — with what you see through these mechanized glowing rectangles and what you see when you watch lizards cross the trail as we hike with our dog, in real life.
I promise there is real love here. For real you.
❤️
Mama
Endless thanks to global thought leaders like Jonathan Haidt, and the parents at my daughter's school who are devoted to this issue. May we be successful with our efforts to pass KOSA (the Kids Online Safety Act) — to enable a healthier digital ecosystem for our young people.
Beautifully written. It is sad but true. I see parents (mostly mothers) in grocery stores and more often then not, the child has a phone or iPad. Missing an opportunity to learn about food and have an educational interaction.
As the designer of the play environments at Gymboree, we had to confront the appalling misuse of phones and have teachers intervene constantly. And not just parents but nannies and grandparents who would video the children to live stream back to parents.