You’ve heard the popular saying, “There is light at the end of the tunnel.” Today I’m here to tell you there’s actually Light inside the tunnel.
You don’t need to wait until a painful situation ends, to find that Light.
You might have also heard Rumi’s famous quote from the 13th century, “Through love, all pain will turn to medicine.”
Rumi was right. It’s true. I’ve lived through it. It’s alchemy.
When you are ready to uplevel your quality of life — when you are ready for a more vibrant body, richer relationships, a clear sense of your soul purpose, more delicious romance, sweeter days and dreamier nights — you don’t need to just get clear on your vision and move towards it. Living your fullest life requires greeting the tough stuff that’s in the way, with the only thing that can transform, transmute, alchemize it — the great superpower called Love.
In my own journey of finding freedom from addiction and chronic pain, I’ve discovered three powerful questions that are repeatedly helpful. They aren’t easy questions to answer. After all, they help human consciousness make quantum leaps — not baby steps — outside of our seeming insistence on suffering.
Today I'll share the first of these three questions.
How is this perfect?
Words are powerful. Let's define perfect, starting with what it is not. Perfect doesn’t refer to someone who looks this way or that way, or has a certain kind of house or car. It's not superficial. Its common, superficial definition comes from a society that is spiritually and emotionally immature and therefore, applies superficial definitions to words. Seeing instead through the ever-clear eyes of Love, ‘perfect’ means:
in divine order
somehow sensible in the way-bigger-picture, beyond my human capacity to comprehend
outside the confines of the mental, rational mind, in the deeper intelligence of the solar plexus, the heart, Spirit, the expansive self
Next time you're having a difficult experience, and I assert — the more difficult, the more fertile — ask yourself:
How is this perfect?
Drop your shoulders. Take a deep breath. Rephrase it if you feel blocked.
If this were perfect and I were able to see that, what would I see?
What gifts am I already getting out of this?
What might be the bigger gifts here?
Often when I guide coaching clients to apply this question, there's an obstacle in the space around our societal definition of perfect. Perfect is not about celebrating pain or suffering. Perfect means that somehow, above and beneath it all, there is a divine order that my seemingly separate smaller self cannot yet perceive.
During moments of trauma and grueling pain in my past, and in more recent moments when I feel troubled, this is the question that most quickly liberates me.
How is this perfect?
See you next week with question two of three.
Many of you have asked, so here’s some exciting news! The film is almost ready from my one-woman-show, Making Love to Fear, which debuted on March 8th 2025. I’ll share the link via this newsletter soon. Although there’s lots of room for improvement as I take the show on the road, its debut clearly had a meaningful impact for many audience members.
“Thank you for a wonderful, moving performance!” Jill S.
“Your show had such an impact on me. Thank you for your tremendous courage and inspiration!” Steven E.
“That was just mind blowing! Literally, my heart and mind feel blown wide open this morning. Thank you.” Autumn F.
“I called it! Transcendent! In so many ways and moments.” Jay B.
Thank you for being here.
You are loved.
Share this post